Breaking Free from Therapist Hustle Culture with Abby Wilson

In this episode of The Visibility Standard, I'm joined by existential therapist Abby Wilson for a conversation every helping professional needs to hear: how to stop tying your value to external metrics and start building a career that actually feels sustainable.

We dive into the messy reality of therapist life beyond the highlight reels and supervision sessions, exploring what it really takes to create meaningful work without burning out.

We talk about:
✨ Why existential therapy offers a more grounded, human-centered approach to clinical work
🎓 What life after supervision actually looks like (and why nobody prepares you for it)
📱 Breaking free from therapist social media comparison and the pressure to have it all figured out
💼 Building a sustainable private practice that supports your life, not consumes it
🤝 Choosing collaboration over competition in the therapy world
🌱 Redefining professional success beyond productivity metrics and follower counts
💡 Practical strategies for logging off, setting boundaries, and protecting your energy
This episode is for therapists tired of the hustle mentality, newly licensed clinicians navigating post-supervision life, and any helping professional who's been craving permission to prioritize their humanity over their productivity.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Hello, everybody. Welcome to All Our Parts. If you're new here, I am Jazz. And today we're going to be talking about some of the downsides of choosing to create content as a therapist in this space right now. And I'm so excited to be talking with, I feel like she's a friend. We have been following each other for so long on TikTok. She is an existential therapist located in Texas. Abby, thank you so much for joining me today.

SPEAKER_01: 0:30

Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_00: 0:34

So we were just discussing offline some of the things we kind of toy with when we think about creating content, when we choose to show up on social media as therapists, which has historically been a blank slate. Psychology today, no real marketing aspect that comes with it. How did you decide, yeah, I want to get on TikTok as a therapist.

SPEAKER_01: 1:06

So TikTok was actually newer for me. I've been doing Instagram for several years now, and I was just making static posts on Instagram, which was pretty easy, not as vulnerable. Although when I started doing it, it felt very vulnerable because it's like I'm putting my voice out there, I'm being seen. And then I started reposting those static posts on TikTok a while back, but then I started making videos more recently. I think I made my first video last October, but I wasn't consistent with it. I made a few and then it just took a lot of energy. And then it was before the potential TikTok ban. I think it was the week before where I was like, okay, what do I have to lose? TikTok is about to go away. Let me just play around with this a little bit and put stuff out there. Then I started doing it and it was really fun. And I was just like, yeah, having a lot of fun with it. And then TikTok didn't go away. And I was like, now I'm come comfortable, like being on the camera, which I never thought I would be. And so I just continued. And I was like, let me just experiment. Let me try to post every day for, I think it was like two or three months. And then I started getting clients here and there. I don't have a super big following or anything. So I wouldn't say it's like a primary referral source in any way, but I did get a few clients and that was very motivating because it's like, okay, I'm putting my voice out there, my personality out there. And these topics that I feel really passionate about and I really love like the teaching aspect of it and so then I just continued and it's been yeah it's been really fun I

SPEAKER_00: 2:49

love that you bring up the TikTok ban and because I feel like a lot of people saw the end in sight and they were like okay full send we're gonna put ourselves out there and then it's still there and everyone's oh okay never mind yeah

SPEAKER_01: 3:02

yeah go all in and yeah it was like motivating for a lot of people. I feel like it had that effect for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00: 3:10

Did you ever before last year and before you started your Instagram, did you ever imagine yourself as someone who would engage in the online space?

SPEAKER_01: 3:21

No, I am very I'm introverted. I hate public speaking. So I just felt like that didn't really go with my personality. But I've been very surprised. It's been really cool to grow and experience expand in that way because I've surprised myself with how it's just become more and more natural to show up online. Absolutely. Like when I started private practice, I told myself and others like I will not be on social media because I think that is just like not part of my natural characteristics or traits or who I am.

SPEAKER_00: 3:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 3:57

Not that I judged anyone for it. I was like envious. I thought it was so cool to see therapists on social media and I really admired it, but I just didn't think I had. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 4:07

A lot of us struggle to even maintain personal social media. Like when I started, I was not huge into taking pictures. I wasn't posting, like curating a feed. And so many of us have found ourselves in this container for growth, which I love what you said about being able to grow, being able to expand, being able to teach. Like social media has allowed us to create a space, I think, for so many of us. Yeah. And it's

SPEAKER_01: 4:45

a really cool way to connect with other therapists. That's what I've really enjoyed about it, too, is that I wouldn't have known you. I hadn't gotten on TikTok and started following each other. And yeah, it's a very modern way of marketing. And I think it's like finding the boundaries, too, because for a while I was like, oh, I don't know. was trying to do. Like day in my life, I'd be out and about with friends and I'm like, oh, is this an opportunity to record something? And then I realized that doesn't work for me. I need to have boundaries and I prefer making TikToks within working hours and being able to not think about creating videos like during my time off and on the

SPEAKER_00: 5:26

weekends. It sounds like you've toyed with the idea of, okay, is social media a side hustle? Like, am I looking to grow this and expand it outside of offering sites? Yes. And I think it's the

SPEAKER_01: 5:48

latter because I think I would burn out if I saw it as like a side hustle or something that I felt like this pressure to show up. I just want to show up when I'm motivated and have that creative spark.

SPEAKER_00: 6:04

Yeah. We were taught when we were talking before we started recording, we were just processing because as therapists we show up for other people all day that's our job we have chosen to walk alongside people in their journeys and then social media is just really the same thing it's us like choosing to put ourselves out there and support other people and offer our knowledge our expertise and so I think everyone who's come into this space has experienced a point where they need to take a second, take a step. What, how has that balance been for you? Like, especially when you find yourself being like, okay, I am, I'm tired. I don't think I can juggle what's going on out here and being able to take a step back. And

SPEAKER_01: 6:53

yeah, I think it's been more like, initially, I was so excited about it and like surprised myself that I I became like obsessive about it every day. I was like, what can I create? And it was like very reactive responding to certain comments, not in a negative way, but respond to this, or I need to create a video responding to this. And there were just so many ideas flowing that I felt like I need to get this all out. And now it's more like a calmer, steadier approach to it. I have an idea. I can write it down so that I don't forget. about it and I can make this video like next like I don't need to make it right now and post it today so I feel like the urgency has dissipated and that's been really important for just having better boundaries around it like the ideas aren't going to just go away because I'm not putting it out there today they're still going to be there and I can take my time with it

SPEAKER_00: 7:56

yeah so many of us get wrapped up in the algorithm are we visible are we circulating? Are we moving? And especially with most people in this field being a perfectionist who like to do things well, who are definitely achievers and sometimes overachievers, we can really find ourselves in a space of urgency or feeling like, okay, we need to produce X amount this week. How can we improve our content? And that in itself is A, when the creativity sometimes stops and when it really starts to feel like, okay, I've added on a job on top of the job that I already have where I'm showing up and producing and really showing up for people. And so it sounds like you've had to like really work to find like a balance, a middle ground with social media and being a therapist and maintaining like your own like personal life.

SPEAKER_01: 8:57

And I think that's where like more quality content comes from, too, is it's not forced because and I think it's about the time. of content that really feels more exciting to make. Like I realized that I don't really enjoy, and this is probably why I'm not interested in trying to grow it so much because I don't really enjoy doing the trending audios. Like I just noticed what I enjoy is maybe not going to make me go viral or blow up. And that's okay because if it's going to be sustainable and like bigger picture long-term, if I want to keep doing this, then it needs to feel aligned with what interests me and what I actually enjoy creating. So more like connected to the intrinsic value of it rather than just it being like tied to purpose or function in that way.

SPEAKER_00: 9:54

Yeah, I've noticed you've started talking more about being an existential therapist and really incorporating existentialism more of those like big picture ideas. ideas into your content. For people who might not know, what is existential therapy?

SPEAKER_01: 10:12

Basically, it's about how to live a more fulfilling life. And so in existential therapy, we talk a lot about how to accept reality. If you can't accept it, how to endure it. We talk about relationship to life, relationship to others, to yourself. We talk about sense of self, who you are, how to identify who you are, that's not based on outside influence. We talk about meaning and meaningful suffering, meaningless suffering, meaningful pleasure, meaningless pleasure. There's so much that goes into it, but yeah, basically how one can live a more fulfilling life. And I really enjoy it. I'm so passionate about specifically existential analysis, which is the training program that I'm enrolled in. So I love being able to put that content out there because it helps, it helps me helps me like me integrate it even more into my personal life and professional life.

SPEAKER_00: 11:13

How did you choose that theoretical orientation?

SPEAKER_01: 11:18

Basically, my own life experience, which I feel like that's how I discover what I'm most passionate working with. But a couple of I think it was three years ago, I read a book. And it was by the millennial therapist, Sarah.

UNKNOWN: 11:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 11:34

So she wrote a book. It's on me. And I read that one summer. It really resonated. And she mentioned this training program throughout her book, this modality existential analysis. So after I read her book, I looked up the training program and yeah, just decided this is what I want this. I'm just drawn to this and it feels aligned, not just professionally, but personally, this is how I want to live my life. And it was my own personal stuff that I was navigating and evolving and yeah, discovering like what fulfillment looks like for me and how to make choices that are aligned with the type of person that I want to be and the life that I want for myself. And that can be such a complex process. So I feel like diving into this training program, it's really, it's just helped me dive so much deeper into a lot of my own personal work, which has been incredible.

SPEAKER_00: 12:32

Yeah. I think when I I think of existential therapy. I think of it as like your life review. And it's a space where you're constantly exploring like what it means to return to yourself, what you enjoy, what are your values, what does creating an aligned life look, feel like. And I imagine it to be very action oriented as well. Like sitting within those big concepts is one part of it, I feel like, but Yes. It's a lot

SPEAKER_01: 13:12

about taking an authentic position and living in a self-responsible way. Yeah. So taking action, taking steps towards responsibility and a lot about freedom and choice, but right. Like it's not just sitting with it, part of it, but the self responsibility is huge. Did

SPEAKER_00: 13:36

you know you always wanted to be a

SPEAKER_01: 14:03

I was navigating a lot of personal stuff and I was in therapy for two years. And during that process realized that I wanted to become a therapist. So I went back to grad school and then became a therapist.

SPEAKER_00: 14:16

What was that journey like?

SPEAKER_01: 14:46

and a sense of purpose and feeling of vitality around what I was pursuing. So I was very anxious because I was so intimidated. Am I going to succeed at this? Am I going to be good enough? But it was also so much fun just connecting with other people in my cohort. And I'm still such good friends with so many of those people and the internships. It was so hard, but it was so exhilarating at the same

SPEAKER_00: 15:16

time. Yeah. Motivated by passion, motivated by purpose. And I think so many of us can relate to doing something because it may be common, it may be something that we see and we're used to, and we may do that first because there's plenty of people around us who can guide us in that journey. And then when we choose to allow ourselves to step out of what we know, be uncomfortable Take a bold step in ourselves and step into something that feels exciting, more aligned, and more interesting. It's amazing what we are truly able to accomplish when we do that.

SPEAKER_01: 16:02

Yeah. Yes. It's such a different... And it's like there's so much connection to what it feels like. It's not just the... logic, but like, of course there's information to gather and pros and cons to weigh with a big decision like that. But it's also so often this feeling like this feels right. This feels like it's taking my life in a meaningful direction. Very existential. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 16:28

And so now you work in private practice, right?

SPEAKER_01: 16:31

Yes. Private practice. I've been in private practice for three and a half years now.

SPEAKER_00: 16:37

Do you ever look to expand it, to grow in to a group practice?

SPEAKER_01: 16:43

No. I have no desire to. I see other people doing group practice and I'm like, uh-uh, I don't want that responsibility, that burden. It just seems like so much. No, I think I'm still navigating. I've been... I think doing well the last three and a half years, but I'm still, I feel like adjusting as the times change. Like right now, the last six months have been very different for my practice than the first three years. I think with everything going on in the world, the economy, I've just experienced some changes. I feel like I'm still, yeah, still navigating, like just being a small business owner in that way and marketing myself. And it's quite a hustle sometimes. So I don't really want to want more on my plate than this. I think I'm like, and with this.

SPEAKER_00: 17:39

Yeah, I feel like that's the part of existential therapy is knowing what feels aligned and not feeling that pressure to grow or expand. And I know you mentioned early that comparison. And so it's very easy to look on social media and see, okay, they're growing their practice, they're adding offices, and so much we have access to so much information. And so really staying grounded and rooted in, okay, what feels good for me right now? What's the place that I'm in right now? And really focusing on being present with that and fostering that rather than thinking about the next thing.

SPEAKER_01: 18:17

Yeah. And that's huge. That's definitely come up for me. And I think for a lot of people with social media, and I've even talked to some friends about this, of just not feeling like you're doing enough because of what you're seeing other therapists do. on social media and in private practice like the sky is the limit it feels like there's so much potential of what we can do and it's amazing but just because I could do something that doesn't mean that I should and so really determining like what is worth my time and yeah like you said what's aligned with what I want for my life and what makes sense for me but yeah those thoughts do creep in sometimes when I see what other therapists are doing on social media I'm like I feel like I'm not doing very much compared to other people, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_00: 19:08

And it's all in what we define as success. So for some people, scaling and moving their business forward is success. And then for others, success might mean I get to work three days a week. I get to spend more time with loved ones. I get to travel more. I get more flexibility in my schedule. Those things are equal Yes. Yeah, exactly. And

SPEAKER_01: 19:44

I think the freedom and flexibility of private practice, like the work-life balance has always been so appealing to me because it's creating a life that makes sense to me and where I'm able to nurture values outside of work and be present with loved ones. And yeah, that there's so much value in that. There's so much meaning in other things outside of work. I love what I do, but I'm glad that I have the freedom to nurture those other

SPEAKER_00: 20:13

areas. What do you like to do when you're not in the therapy container? I

SPEAKER_01: 20:18

love just connecting with friends. I have a lot of other therapist friends in Houston and we get together regularly and that's really great. I think it's really important being in private practice too, because private practice can be so isolating, especially I started my practice in 2021. And I feel like that was before, like people weren't really doing in-person networking as much. And I didn't do it very much for the first year and a half or two years. And then when I started doing it, I realized this is what I need. Like, it's good for me to connect with people and I work fully remote. So I need to get out of my home and just be in person with others. So I've really tried to make that a priority, just connecting with other people. I really enjoy traveling. I love live music. I love going out to eat. The basics, I get really, I, yeah, it's like the little things sometimes, the boring things that I feel really moved by in life.

SPEAKER_00: 21:23

The boring things are what make up the bulk of our life. And what you just spoke to truly the idea of romanticizing everything. aspect of our lives it's because our lives can be ordinary if that's the lens that we look at it from but how amazing to go to I love a good outdoor concert this is the perfect weather for it I am all game it's but not today it's raining typically spring summer I love a good outdoor concert it's what awakens us and really energizes us and it gets to be those small things it gets to be the coffee in the morning it gets to be the concert gets to be the dinner with friends. It's all of those things together. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 22:06

it's all of those things that compile and being present in all of it.

SPEAKER_00: 22:11

And that's a gift, especially as people. We hold space for other people and we hear their stories and we empathize and we offer that support. And it's so important that we are giving so much of that back to ourselves and our own lives so that we can show up. Because if we're just showing Growing up and then abandoning ourselves, we're not going to be successful in the long run.

SPEAKER_01: 23:02

able to have boundaries around it and know how to structure your practice in the way that supports your wellbeing, mental health and financial wellbeing as well, which is very important for our livelihood. I do feel really grateful that private practice supports me being able to take care of myself in that way, because it's so important as therapists, we're constantly pouring into others and it is very meaningful, fulfilling work, but we have to pour back

SPEAKER_00: 23:34

into ourselves. it isn't just being able to have time flexibility it's being able to pay your bills comfortably it's being able to nourish yourself it's being able to get adequate rest and not have to work two or three jobs to to make ends meet like there are very practical areas of self-care that can really be missed as new therapists just because of the system that we work in yeah

SPEAKER_01: 24:31

the basic needs, like going to the doctor, how much that costs. I just went to the doctor, my annual check, like I spent probably over$500 going to the doctor. And it's like early on as a therapist, as a social worker, that was such a stretch. I made$25,000 my first year and I did a fellowship, but it was like very minimal living. And in my mid 20s, I feel like it's a little bit more doable, but as you get older, just, I don't know, there's just more that life is expensive in many ways. Like our basic needs, yeah, cost money. And if we're not able to, or if we're stressed about getting those needs met, then very hard to, yeah, have quality mental health.

SPEAKER_00: 25:25

Yeah. When I'm right there with you, like being able to take care of ourselves, but also being able to stay grounded in community too I love that you bring up even though you work in private practice and right now don't have the inkling to open a group practice or expand where you are it's still so valuable to be in connection with other therapists to be in consultation to have people that you can turn to and share in this work with like I Do not believe that anyone can get through this job alone.

SPEAKER_01: 26:01

Yeah. And even the consultation, like I'm part of several consultation groups. And I think if I wasn't, it would be easy to just like overlook certain things. But like having that accountability for yourself of this is something that I go to every other week and I have monthly supervision. And because of that, I am thinking about what do I need to process? or talk through or get more information or knowledge about so that I can be a good therapist and meet clients needs. So yeah, I could not do this work in isolation. I think it's nearly impossible to do this work in isolation and be good at what you do.

SPEAKER_00: 26:44

I definitely could not do this work and isolation and being able to have such amazing conversations around it, like using these opportunities to also learn it. The moment we feel like we can stop learning is the moment we really do ourselves a disservice or that we don't need supervision or that we don't need consultation. We're limiting not only ourselves, but the ability to support our clients.

SPEAKER_01: 27:12

Yeah. And. I think it's, we're always evolving. We're always like, we always should be growing, not 24 seven. We can take breaks from evolving. But yeah, I think that can really help with just staying inspired in this work. It not feeling stagnant or bland after a while. I need new ideas and new information to just feel invigorated by.

SPEAKER_00: 27:42

Abby, this was such an amazing conversation. thank you so much for joining me today where can people find you if they want to connect or learn more about what you do

SPEAKER_01: 27:52

yeah my website abbywilsontherapy.com and then my instagram and tiktok handle is abbywilsonlcsw so they can find me

SPEAKER_00: 28:01

amazing and everything will be linked in the show notes as a closing question to all of my guests I am asking what is your commitment to yourself for 2025 am I

SPEAKER_01: 28:11

supposed to answer this closing commitment to myself in 2025?

SPEAKER_00: 28:16

Oh, sorry. It's a closing question. What's your commitment to yourself for 2025?

SPEAKER_01: 28:23

My commitment to myself, my word for 2025 was connection. So my commitment to myself has been staying in connection, prioritizing connection with others.

SPEAKER_00: 28:33

Oh, love that. Thank you so much for talking with me today. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 28:38

Thank you for having me.