Why Whitney Leavitt Triggers Us: Visibility, Villains, and Self-Actualization

Whitney Leavitt isn’t just a controversial character on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives—she’s a mirror for every woman who’s ever been punished for wanting more.

In this episode of The Visibility Standard, we unpack why Whitney provokes such strong reactions, why her ambition reads as “villainy,” and why so many of us quietly resonate with her story. From MomTok dynamics to Dancing With the Stars, Whitney’s journey reveals the emotional cost of being visible, the tension between authenticity and group acceptance, and the courage it takes to choose your purpose over your perception.

I share my own experiences of being “the Whitney” in someone else’s story—and what it really looks like to grow beyond people-pleasing, own your ambition out loud, and build the kind of legacy that makes you impossible to ignore.

If you’ve ever feared being misunderstood… if you’ve ever shrunk to keep the peace… if you’ve ever wanted to claim a bigger stage but felt the weight of other people’s opinions—this conversation is your permission slip.

Visibility is not for the faint of heart. But it is for the visionary.

Tune in, reflect deeply, and then tell me: Are you ready to be seen for who you really are?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:08

Saints and sinners line up today. We are going to be talking about the secret lives of Mormon wives on the pod. Hi, I'm Jasmine, your host of the Visibility Standard, where visibility is the standard, all about being seen, being heard, where I also discuss social commentary that is sweeping the airwaves. I am a Whitney Levitt fan. Now, if you know me in real life, then you know I stand 10 tones down on this, but I've also been talking more about it on social media. And I'm going to be talking about it today from the perspective of why she is such a controversial figure in real life and on the show, and why, if a lot more of us wanted to identify with Whitney, we would be much further along in our lives. So reverse a little bit. I saw the swinging scandal and I didn't get it at the time, so it has garnered like national attention, which I love. So first season I watched it and I definitely was not a fan of Whitney. I didn't understand how people like I didn't see how she was likable. Like I didn't get it. I didn't understand how she was in the friend group. I didn't understand what she was contributing. Fast forward to season two, something shifts. I don't know if something shifts in me, something shifts in her. But I'm watching the show and I'm having a bit more curiosity about who she is as a person, why she moves the way she does, why she interacts the way that she does. And then I start watching her content. And there is a huge disconnect in Whitney on her content when she's with her husband, when she's with her kids, when she's just dancing by herself. And on the show, you can see a lot of tension. There is something that is incongruent that is happening while she's on the show. By the time the end of season two comes up, I'm like a fan. Like I'm like, okay, I get it. I understand. I look into her chart. She's an Aquarius moon, just like me. So we wear our emotions on our sleeves. Is it easy to read? No. There's also this aloof nature that comes up with a lot of Aquarius moon signs. It's that we are observing our environment before we really respond to it. So we seem disconnected, but I mean we're tuned in. We are paying attention. And so seeing that allowed me some perspective into why Whitney kind of interacts the way that she does. Fast forward, we're here at season three with Dancing with the Stars in tandem. If you've been paying attention, Whitney got voted off during the semifinals around the same time, season three of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives aired. Dancing with the Stars is a voting-based show. People felt like Whitney was not the most likable on season three, and the lady certainly did not support their friend in being perceived as a likable character. And unfortunately, a lot of people potentially voted because of what they saw on the show and let that influence how they perceive her on Dancing with the Stars. Where does my commitment want to understand this person come from? Like, I have been talking about this a lot. That simply comes down to the fact that I resonate a lot with Whitney's story. And to some degree, I am Whitney in a lot of people's story. Not a lot, but a few. And me maybe a year ago, maybe six months ago, would not have felt too good about that. Would not have even wanted to own that. And when I say I am the Whitney in some people's story, like I am possibly the villain. Like I am possibly the worst person they would have worked with. I am possibly not the greatest friend. I am possibly not the greatest person to be around. And how you would see me in that situation would vary greatly from how you would probably interact with me. Let's say if we're really close, or I would say like present day. I'm fortunate to be in a healthier, more healed space. I'm also around a lot more people that I trust, that I respect, who respect me in return. And so a lot of those behaviors aren't triggered as much. But there is a level of niceties that a lot of the ladies are playing on Secret Lives that Whitney is not playing. She's willing to call out in the room that something is not right. She's willing to call out that this is simply a business transaction. Like they are co-workers, they are not friends. She has tried to bridge the friendship gap. Anything that she says doesn't land for them. So she's not interested in continuing to explain herself or trying to explain herself, and people not receive it. That is a very real feeling that a lot of us have experienced in our relationships. When we get to a point in our relationships where we are saying, Hey, I want to build this bridge. Hey, I want to reconcile, I want to be able to take accountability and move forward. And the other people, for whatever reason, aren't willing to receive it, aren't yet in the space to receive it. You simply have to make the choice that preserves you. I think a lot of people read that as heartless, as oh, she was never friends with them to begin with. But when you watch the show, she's sitting there trying to take accountability and they are like, Well, you did this, well, you did this, and none of them are taking accountability. I'm a firm believer that relationships take two parties. I'm a firm believer that if one side needs to take accountability for something, the other side definitely can take accountability for something. In relationships, it's not about being right, it's about understanding one another. But if you are fighting to look for a winner in every single scenario, there's going to be no winner and you lose the relationship. So a lot of people are seeing Whitney, especially in this third season. She's like, I am using this show to be on Dancing with the Stars. Valid. I appreciate her clarity because a lot of people are not as clear about their intentions to begin with, and that is actually more hurtful. Being clear is far more kind than ambiguity or making someone believe that something is possible when it actually isn't. I have had friends in the past who I would try to make plans with and they would be like, oh, maybe, or like, mmm, we'll see. And it's like trying to pull teeth to hang out with someone doesn't feel good for me. That might work for other people. That level of ambiguity might work for other people. It doesn't work for me. You either know that you want to hang out with me or not. And this is where we really struggle with connection in this world is that we prioritize laying at home, snuggling up over like connecting. I understand things come up, responsibilities come up, obligations come up. But when we have this uncertainty about a person or wanting to spend time with a person, it doesn't make the other person feel good when you're like, maybe. When you want to say yes or you don't, you want to say no, and that's when you just tell the person, no. That level of direct communication does not exist within that friend group. You have Taylor who will who really tries to play nice with every single person in the group. You have Demi and Jesse, who have had a complete falling out at this point, especially if you're following on social media where they are airing each other's tea out. A lot of gossip, a lot of backstabbing, a lot of, I thought you were my friend and you're not. Whitney's the one person kind of in the room who is honest about the shifts that she's experiencing and the transitions that she's experiencing and is willing to name them. This feels off to me. This doesn't feel good. I don't know how to move forward. I wish a lot more people did that. Like I wish a lot more people were as clear, but a lot of people aren't willing to have the hard conversations. A lot of people have learned, you have probably learned people pleasing in your relationship, staying quiet, staying hidden is what will serve your relationship going forward. You have probably learned that it is better to keep the peace in a relationship than it is to say something. You have probably learned in your workplace, especially for my healers, my helpers, you have probably learned it is better to stick with the status quo than to disrupt any part of the system. So when you see Whitney making it very clear what her business goals are, what her aspiration is, that possibly ruffles your feathers because you wish she would have spoken up sooner. You wish she would have said something sooner. I do believe to some degree, like a lot of what we see on TV can mirror and be either like projection, something that we admire, or something we feel envious of, something that we really disdain about that person. And is that thing that we disdain in that person something that we disdain in us or something that we wish we had? Relationships are mirrors. Like people we watch on TV are mirrors to some degree. They're mirrors to the human experience, right? What has been so impressive about Whitney's journey is that through all of this, she has managed to find her own way, and that's a lot of the premise of the final dance on Call Her Daddy with Alex Cooper, as she's dancing with Mark Ballis, and it is this journey of being on a reality TV show where filming is happening, people are letting her fall, the people that she thought would be the ones to pick her up. We are in this together. She essentially had to forge her own path and is standing bright and tall right now. She's got movie deals. I mean, she was on Dancing with the Stars, and the level of star power that she has, the charisma that she has that's so valuable, that is a lost art, truly, is really admirable. A lot of us, especially women, are afraid to be that ambitious, to name the thing that we want so clearly to be so ferocious in our pursuit of it, because we are taught to prioritize relationships. We're taught to prioritize being a parent. We are taught to prioritize what somebody else's wants and needs are that we completely abandon our own at any given moment, to watch her be a mother, a wife, a person, a woman who has managed to allow herself to be seen, be visible, to mess up, to not be perfect, to own her story, and to watch her carve out this path for herself that essentially will allow her to leave the show is admirable. And to do that, there are people that aren't going to like her. I mean, whether you want to admit it or not, she is I would say the mastermind behind mom talk. Like, I think Taylor is really good PR, she's a really good face for mom talk when it comes to the logistics, that's Whitney. And I only say that because when you watch the first couple of episodes of season three of Secret Lives, you're like, how did they collect themselves together enough to film? Like, how did they collect themselves together enough to create a cohesive voice to create a cohesive image and show up online? I do believe that was Whitney. It shows in her strategy now as she posts, as she shares her story. I believe that dancing with the stars was so impactful for her because she experienced acceptance that she lost in her mom talk group. Like the friendship, the acceptance to level ambition, the drive, the commitment to hard work. When that is a value of someone's and they find people that match that, it is really life-giving. Because a lot of times, especially when we think about more traditional roles, and the Church of the Latter-day Saints does prioritize more traditional roles, women are supposed to be in the home, being the mom, being the wife, staying really quiet, staying really hidden. And what you see in a lot of these other women, especially Macy, Michaela, even Layla, like you're watching them grapple with huge identity questions. You're watching them grapple with what does it mean to be autonomous, who makes their own money, who has a life outside of the home, outside of her husband, while also maintaining that more traditional role. And you watch them really conflicted. And as I say that out loud, that probably bugs the shit out of them that Whitney has managed to step away from that, especially as someone who was the OG saint in season one, and is now allowing the world to see her in a completely different light, and is allowing herself to be seen in a completely different light. And that's taken a lot of courage, that's taken a lot of her betting on herself, that's taken a lot of her seeing all the criticism and all the ways that people disagree with her and using that to fuel her much larger mission and purpose. I say time and time again, when you are so dedicated to your mission, to your purpose, there is nothing that is going to stop you. There is absolutely nothing more important than being committed to your purpose, to your mission, to what you value, to what your legacy is going to be. Whitney is working on building a legacy. Mom talk was the first part of that journey, and I don't believe a lot of you if you say you've never used a job to leverage your opportunities. I arguably think you're doing your job wrong if you've never used it, unless you work for yourself. But even working for yourself is all about building and creating opportunities to leverage your skill set to attract more larger opportunities. But if you're telling me that you have like you are working like for an agency, you work for a company, you're so committed to that company's vision, you cannot imagine it single-handedly benefiting you. You are probably still stuck in that people-pleasing phase. And it not and you are not exactly ready to dream a vision much larger than contributing to someone else's vision. And that's okay because I've been there. I when I worked as a social media manager for quasi-government agency, my mission was their mission. You couldn't tell me that I wasn't gonna rise the corporate ladder and be the executive director of this place. You cannot tell me that all of my creative ideas that I would have would not be for this company. Like my director and I worked 101. She was ready to promote me. We were gonna work in tandem. Like, I get what it is like to be so committed to building someone else's vision. That's simply because I wasn't ready to step out on my own. I wasn't ready to be perceived as the person that was disliked. I wasn't ready to be the person that someone would say, Who the fuck do you think you are? Like I wasn't ready to experience that level of pushback from somebody. I wasn't ready to potentially not certain friends, or I wasn't ready to be perceived as someone that's ambitious because of my age. And I've had a lot of people say, Well, you're young, you've got plenty of time. You're right. I've got plenty of time to live my life exactly the way I want to. I've got plenty of time to build my legacy. Start early. Late is better than never, but if you can start early, I'm sure as hell gonna start early. And I'm gonna learn along the way. There's no perfect journey to it, and Whitney continues to embody that. There's no perfect way to show up, and you're not going to show up perfectly 100%. But if you're gonna show up 100%, you bet your ass there's gonna be a couple of really good moments there. There's gonna be a lot of really good highlights, you're gonna meet a lot of amazing. People when you allow yourself to step away from what you know or what feels comfortable. Authenticity requires you to be real. Your mission requires you to be discerning, to be able to identify people that aren't for you, to be able to identify opportunities that aren't really for you, they're actually to benefit somebody else. Sitting in my chair now, I am 100% comfortable with identifying as a Whitney fan. I have been Whitney, I understand Whitney. I'm probably Whitney in a lot of people's stories, and that's okay. Another female villain that is on Dancing with the Stars, I mean, Elaine is not necessarily a villain, but Meredith Blake from The Parent Trap. Very ambitious, spoke very clearly and directly to what she wanted. And a lot of us when we were younger were like, villain, yes, that those kids should ruin her life. When it's like, no, she was just very clear in what she wanted. And that is really uncomfortable when we as a society have taught women to play small, to not ask for what you want, to not be able to build a legacy and have the family and have the relationship. Like when you are living truly in alignment and you are finding people that can match that, there's really no questions on it. That's all I've got today. I'm very curious if people have watched The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, what do you think about Whitney? I actually have found that a lot more people resonate with Whitney than the gen pop of conversations would typically articulate because I think a lot more people are waking up to their own power, to their own voice, and with that comes gravitating towards people who are powerful and who are using their voice. Let me know in the comments. You can let me know at Healing with Jasmine. I always love talking about everything. I'll see you on Friday for my guest episode. And I hope you had a great holiday. Gosh, silly me. I didn't even check in. I hope you had a great holiday as we gear into another holiday. But I'll catch you around later.