A Sympathy Deficit in the Digital Age: How Overconsumption, Comparison, and Performative Empathy Are Breaking Our Ability to Connect

In this solo episode of The Visibility Standard, Jazzmyn explores what she calls a growing sympathy deficit in the digital age—and how it’s quietly shaping the way we seek belonging, validation, and visibility online.

From viral TV shows and pop culture moments that briefly unite us, to comment sections where empathy gets replaced with comparison, this episode unpacks the contradiction of modern connection: we’re craving closeness while actively minimizing each other’s experiences.

Jazzmyn breaks down how overconsumption, constant reactivity, and outsourcing emotional validation to the internet are impacting our creativity, confidence, and ability to show up authentically. She challenges the idea that being relatable is the same as being real—and explains why detaching from external validation is often the missing piece for people who want to build a visible, sustainable voice online.

Transcript

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Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the visibility standard. I'm your host, Jasmine, where I use solo episodes to discuss something that I'm seeing on social media, something that I'm seeing in pop culture or in the world around me, and tie it back to something related to visibility, connectedness, all those fun things. So over the last week, people have been raving about heated rivalry. It is a show that has really brought the internet together in a time where things seem so polarizing right now. People are so excited to discuss their hot takes, discuss the characters, discuss the love story that evolves. And I love that. I love that we have found something. And I recognize not only discourse around this show, but when Taylor Swift dropped her latest album later last year, we are starved for not only belonging, but wanting something to look forward to. A lot of times we're seeking that out on social media. We're seeking that out through TV, through music, through artists, through a lot of things that are typically external. And we want to share about it with the people around us. We want to be able to engage in conversations. We want to be able to find like-minded people who are also enjoying this and who are also loving the storyline, and you can yap about it with them. But something also is happening on the internet that is pretty incongruent to this desire for connection and belonging, and that is we are experiencing a huge sympathy deficit. Empathy is complicated as much as I would like to think it is bare bones. We are lacking sympathy on the internet, and a lot of times I see that in comment sections where people are comparing their struggles or minimizing someone's struggles simply because they don't have it as bad as the other person. Someone could say that their car is broken down, and the person will comment, at least you have a car, I have a skateboard. And the person with the skateboard gets a comment that says, At least you have a skateboard, I have to walk. And I'm seeing it everywhere where we have to bring our own problem, our own issue, and we're minimizing and validating what the other person is presenting to the space. I saw like a recent post, someone had the flu and they had a fever. Someone was like, Well, that's not a real fever. What the fuck? Just say, I hope you feel better. What is people's problem? But this is a huge sympathy deficit in a space where I believe people want connection, people want to be closer. I think that we are so bogged down by the internet, we are much more reactive than what we are used to. We are much uh more sensitive to what is happening in our own lives that we forget perspective taking, which ultimately alienates us from our neighbor. And so it's so interesting as I'm sitting down watching these two very incongruent instances happening on the internet right now, and this one bucket we want to share in this excitement of a show, of a song, of an album, of a movie. And then on the same internet, we are ready to light up the torch and let someone know that they do not have it as bad as them. Which ultimately what I think is happening when I see that is that the other person wants that understanding and wants that sympathy as well. So the person is sharing their struggle. The person in the comments also wants a share in that understanding and belonging. I am not a huge proponent of expecting the internet to offer the understanding and validation that people are typically seeking when they post something online. I am not a huge proponent of seeking validation or belonging from the broader internet. Because what I also see happening is that we are more likely to cancel on our real life friends. We are more likely to not text because we're doom scrolling on our phones, we're not connecting with people in our actual lives, and then we say, Oh, I'm so busy, I need low maintenance friendships, I can't have this, I can't have that. But then we're so lonely and we're so reactive, and we're posting online to gain support, sympathy, and understanding from complete strangers while ostracizing our real life community. I think that social media in its essence was designed to bring people who are who would have never met otherwise together. I think it has been a great source for meeting new people. My closest friends are people that I met through social media. I do not negate the benefits of social media, however, I do believe that it gives this very superficial, artificial understanding of what it means to be connected with others, what it means to have belonging with others. I think that when people share their struggles or seek sympathy online, they are ultimately wishing that the people in their real lives would offer them that. And they're not. I completely get that. I think that something that has sustained me in continuing to evolve and grow online is the strength that I have in my real life connections. There is a version of me two or three years ago that would really depend and rely on the support of broader strangers, and creating online would actually be a detriment to me because I was not receiving love, support, and care in my real life. I was really craving, I was desperate for belonging and understanding. So much so that I cared so much about how I showed up online. Now I'm making a connection in real time and try to piece this tangent together. But because I cared so much about how other people received me online, that stopped me from posting. That stopped me from showing up online. Now that I am not as attached to how others perceive me, I'm not looking for validation or belonging from the broader internet. I feel much more confident in what I am building publicly. And because I am public, it has also forced me to be much more intentional about my personal relationships, making sure that I am being active socially, that I'm being a good friend, that I'm being a good partner, that I am still able to be present in my real life just as much as I want to be present online. I think that a lot of times we say that self-trust is a big requirement for showing up online. 100%. I think another key piece of showing up online is being okay with feeling like an outlier, and that's hard for a lot of people. We don't want to feel like outliers, but if we are going to be willing to say what we believe, share an opinion online and feel confident in it and not feel like we're pandering to a specific audience or looking for a very specific response from strangers, then we have to be able to feel like an outlier. That is very hard when, on the one hand, there is this desire for belonging, understanding, and community through social media that is pretty surface level, and then we're seeking validation, support, and understanding from complete strangers, and then sharing our struggle online for someone to respond and say, Well, I have it worse. I believe there is a space for social media to continue to cultivate and foster real life connection outside of surface level uh uh support of a celebrity or media or something external, but also as people who want to show up online, as people who want to be visible. I believe that if you're listening to this podcast, you're not someone that's necessarily looking for friends online, but you're looking to establish your authority, your leadership, you're looking to build your voice online, you have to have a certain level of detachment to your content and to the people who may cross paths with it. I made a video a while back basically saying part of posting is not being so consumed with being relatable, and I think that's really true. Being consumed with being relatable and likable only removes you from your authentic voice because you're so consumed about how other people will receive it rather than focusing on the message that you're trying to convey, building up your own media and being so worried about how you're going to be perceived online. Again, if I was making content two, three years before, and that's when I started, like I started creating at such a vulnerable time in my life. I was also inconsistent, I was not sharing about my personal life because I had so much going on in my personal life. I was very sensitive about the information that I did share about myself because I even the slightest thing about me, I did not want people to learn. Um, and so I understand what it feels like to post at a really vulnerable time and then not get the response that you desire, but also seeking that belonging and understanding online. I don't know the solution. What I know is there are two really incongruent things that are happening right now online that exist that are a direct reflection of the lack of in-person community that we are building. It is not a flex to cancel on your friends, it is not a flex to not want to show up and and hide in the house. As a huge introvert that constantly is saying in the winter time I need to get out of the house. I'm going to a networking event next week. It's a dinner that I'm really excited about. Because I realized, Jasmine, I need to get out, I need to get moving. I have had my winter cocoon. I need to start re- reacclimating into real life. But that is also lacking in the guise of being tired or not having the motivation. We are not going out as much, and then we're looking for that stimulation online when we're actually overstimulated because you're trying to build community while some breaking news update is happening while you're scrolling and watching a cat video, while you're watching a funny video, while you're talking to a friend, and boom, boom, boom, boom, it keeps going, it just keeps going. That's not sustainable. That is not sustainable if you want to focus on creating, especially. You are committed to creating, you have to limit your screen time. If creating is something that you want to feel excited about, you have to limit your screen time. Taking in so much of what's happening around you being over informed, being influenced by what other people are talking about, what they think is interesting, especially if you were a struggling people pleaser. If you are seeing all of that and thinking that should influence what you want to create, you're going to have a hard time trying to find your authentic voice in this space. And as you're finding it and finding yourself lost on what to talk about or afraid of sharing that opinion. Part of that is because you're consuming so much. No one is meant to consume it. And to an extent, consumption is harming your critical thinking and creativity. Food for thought. I do have a solution for that, and that's limiting your screen time. Start reading, start walking. And if you recognize you need that stimulation, revamp what you are consuming. I'm going to start doing a series on Instagram at the end of every month where I talk about thoughtful consumption. So things that I have been consuming intentionally, maybe consistently, but they are improving and influencing my creativity, my mood, my energy levels. Part of what will be a part of that series. My mood, my energy levels. I've been listening to a lot of lo-fi jazz while I'm reading. When I read on my Kindle, I'll turn the lights off and enjoy that environment I've set up for myself. I'll light a candle, have some water, have a beverage, a snack to go with it. Um, Nickelodeon also is on YouTube and they have like 90s cartoons on there. It's very nostalgic, but I recognize I feel good when I watch it, so I keep watching it and maybe I'll take a nap, I'll do work behind like and have it on as background. But there is a way to thoughtfully consume. Um, and so if you're not ready to go turkey and limit your screen time altogether, there are ways to improve the consumption. But if you are ever wondering why don't I feel inspired, why do I feel stuck when I'm creating, look at your screen look at your screen time and look at what you are consuming, and you will have plenty of answers there. So that's what I've got for you. I think that in a world right now where we are, again, starved for connection and belonging, and then ripping a new one into people who are sharing their stories online. Uh, we really have to evaluate the role that social media plays in our dysregulation. Let me know what you think in the comments or send me a message at Jasmine Proctor. I've changed my social media handle. This will be the last time because it is my name. Uh, again, uh taking ownership of what I'm creating, taking ownership of what I'm building, and letting it exist as a unilateral, like a single umbrella. So you can find me at Jasmine Proctor on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and I'll see you this Friday.